*

Removal of anything is exhausting.  The body just doesn’t want to let go.  I was awake, and I was not sufficiently deadened, and it was brutal, or more brutal than anyone could have known beforehand, but the stubborn way that my body clung to the bit of itself made me proud, as if I had a sort of epic tenacity, and was brilliant at keeping parts of myself to myself, so much that I had fused that which was not meant to be fused

One really wonders how it is surgeons got that way.

The problem is after when one just replays the event, also the recovery, and all the work from all the jobs piling up, none of it caring whether or not one is up off the ground.